楼主的情况在变态心理学上叫:躁狂抑郁症 (Manic Depressive Psychosis)
而且属于此病症的极端形式:Suporous melancholia - In this condition the tendency towards suicide is further strengthened because the patient is now disappointed with life. The feeling for crime and sin grows, she/he is seen crying, vituperating and irritated with herself/himself.